in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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