peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
