So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
