I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
