k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You are the jesus of drinking
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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