yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
