it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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