Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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