Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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