If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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