1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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