hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
