Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This show inspires me to have sex in space
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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