yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
