how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
