OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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