She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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