well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
