These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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