it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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