If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
