It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
