My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
