Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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