Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
