Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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