party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i barfeds in our rink
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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