Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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