if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize