yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
