I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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