i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
what day is it and did you see me today?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The Olympian is in my bed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
