Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
