two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
