Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i dont even know how to be here
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
