Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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