Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize