The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
