The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
