you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
