how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
