there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
