grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You're a waste of cheezeits
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
