I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
