I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
