Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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