she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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