Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
