I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
