omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
