I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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