Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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