in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
