why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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