SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
