even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
