You made me cry and you don't even care
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
