Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Found your dick twin last night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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