Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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