It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
