You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize