If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
