Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
