you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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