she woke up with a sticky ear
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
