That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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