Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
