Cold hands, warm shart.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize