I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
