On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
